I’m the type of person who gets along with pretty much anyone , until there actions towards me or someone else changes my relationship with them. I tend to think I can get a decent ‘vibe reading ‘ of someone when I first interact with them. But the problem is that I’ve been friends with someone for a long time , and I know them quite well . Our families are quite close , but for a long time me and this person have had quite a difficult relationship I’d catergized as ” a love hate relationship ” . We have and sometimes continue to butt heads whenever we are around each other.
I’ve always found myself trying to get gratification or acceptance ( to put it plainly ) from this person because I’ve never had closure that I was ever good enough for them / accepted by them , I think it comes down to that I’ve always thought they were really cool and I wanted to be around them and be considered there friend ( high school mentality ) . Although we’d hung out countless times but that was due to our parents being best friends , and outsiders would consider us close friends , personally I never felt that kind of acceptance for them. And for a longtime I’ve lived with that feeling of being ” close but yet so far away ” , and I always hid my true feelings about it , I’ve told my mom bits and parts of it but never fully delved into the full story , and I’ve never really told that person how I’ve felt because it would be dredging up like 6 -7 years of history and frankly never thought they be intrested to discuss it . So I continued life seeing them and just acting normal and never really gave it a second thought , because personally I thought they just never cared about me and never was going to , but I cared to much about them to let them and whatever friendship we had go .
But recently I found myself in a situation where, I went to people with my problems and found some satisfaction but not enough for a divinative answer to my problem. So I found myself wondering if this person could help me , and on a whim of pure bravery I sent them a massage asking for there input and experience to help me basically spill the beans about everything and see if they could put my mind at ease . Frantically waiting for a reply after 30 seconds I knew that it was stupid and left it , went about the next few minutes to see that they replied and was accepting my offer . So I went trying not to get my hopes up that anything was going to change or my opinion of them would change either .
After spilling my guts about what my problems were and not knowing how to fix or make sense of it all , I realised that the whole time I had there attention and that they actually were 100% there for me .
It took me back , for so long I had this undying need to know that they even had a 1% chance of giving a shit about me and my life that In my mind I was shocked and overwhelmed by the feeling that I may have so bloody wrong about this person.
So we sat and chatted and finally made sense of my problems and talk and I told them about how I was so wrong about them , they they were shocked that I thought this way ( you were a dickhead for a long time so I think it was granted ) about them , and funnily enough they gave some descent advice , and were there for me after, when I needed them , and our relationship is gradually developing into one that was one that I never thought would happen , and i am so glad that the moment I thought I was reaching for something that was out of reach , and actually messaging them , that I would have never known / given this person a second chance , that the relationship that I once though was all it was ever gonna be changed everything.
Now that person is someone I can rely on and reach out to and knowingly know that they will be there.
The world works in mysterious ways , and people can change and shock you at a moments notice !!!!
Sorry for the long one guys , hope you Tuesday is going well !!
Peace out lemons 🍋